Much has been said about goal setting, especially when it comes to finding goals that align with who you are. Along comes the New Year and, for most of us, our goals vanish within a month or two. Clearly, something needs to be added to the discussion: how to set goals you can realistically achieve.

Thankfully, the topic isn’t entirely undiscussed. TinyBuddha has a short questionnaire to encourage self-reflection when setting goals. I’ve used these questions for a few years now and have found them to be incredibly helpful.

What is meaningful to you?

The lives we lead are mostly dictated by outside factors, such as religion, cultural norms, the economy, politics, etcetera. And while these are important, the question is about what is important to you specifically. Think along the lines of things that intrinsically motivate you, the things you do because you want to do them, as these are inherently stronger motivators than their extrinsic counterparts.

What is your most critical need?

I am willing to bet this isn’t something most people think about, I know I definitely didn’t until I came across TinyBuddha. Of course, the easy answer is money – we all have to pay our bills and put food on the table – but what else do you need? What do you need to fulfill yourself? What do you need in your relationships?

When answering this question, pay attention to where the need comes from: if you have a health scare and the doctor says you need to focus on your health, do you do so because the doctor told you to, or because you are concerned about your health? The former is an extrinsic motivator, while the latter is intrinsic.

How would you like to feel this year?

There are plenty of examples of people who are ‘successful’ in some way or another, usually wealthy and famous, but who are also unhappy; turning to drugs and alcohol, struggling with their mental health, and so on. While success often makes up part of the goal, we rarely ask ourselves how we want to feel – both along the way and when we get there. I use my vision board to lay this out each year, adding descriptive words to remind me of where I want to be in life; abundant, accomplished, purposeful, joyous, happy, etcetera. Such vague terms might not seem helpful, but the key is to know what those things look like for you. What makes you happy and how can you incorporate that into your goals?

Taking the above three questions into account, the next question is:

What are your top three goals?

While keeping all your goals in mind, focus on just three of them. Specifically, focus on doing just three things really well. This is partially a trick of psychology – three tasks are far less overwhelming than ten and succeeding at those three tasks will feel like an accomplishment. The inverse is also true. If you focus on ten tasks, you are more likely to fail at more tasks.

What three actions will you take to achieve your goals this year?

The idea is to break each goal down into just three steps or milestones, but as someone who needs more in the way of concrete, measurable results, I broke each milestone down into three further steps, for a total of nine steps spread across three milestones. I also went to the effort of adding dates to the first step for each milestone, less a ‘due date’ and more a ‘start by this date’.

What new things do you want to learn?

Every goal comes with its own challenges, most of which will be related to knowledge and information. An obvious example is learning to play an instrument but doing anything requires at least a little skill and know-how, both of which will take time to develop. Ask yourself what you will need to learn, and which skills you will need to develop, to achieve your goals; but also ask yourself what else you want to learn – not everything we do on the path to success needs to directly serve our goals. Sometimes we do things simply for the self-fulfillment they bring on their own.

In the event you fail to achieve one or more of your goals, it is important not to knock yourself for it. Take the failure in stride, learn from it, and apply that knowledge the next time you try for that goal.

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